Grief

I still love you

I read about grief

I write about grief

Both paths keep leading me to the same idea that grief is love.

But lately I feel like I'm contradicting myself.

Cause I find it hard to believe that grief is love.

I know it seems like a more agreeable concept. Because it is a softer explanation.

What better way to dress it.

We beautify it to make it look more presentable, so we say it is love.

I know we grieve only the ones we love.

But that doesn't automatically mean that grief is love .

Grief

If there is an emotion I'll never get tired writing about, it's grief.

People like to say grief gets smaller with time, but it doesn't, it stays the same size, life is what grows around it, it stretches itself to fit.

We learn to live with the emptiness we feel, we get used to the silence, where someone's laughter used to be.

Some days we accept it without thinking and some days we fall right back into it, as if time hasn't passed, we feel it again, fresh like the first time, then we go around in circle.

I keep hearing grief is love, I wrote about it, not once.

I did agree, now I don't know if I still agree fully with this.

I wouldn't say I fully understand that yet,

They say it is love, with nowhere to go, love stranded in the body, heavy, and restless.

But I believe it is also sadness, longing, memory, a quiet ache some days and other days, a slab of concrete pressed against my chest.

There are so many words used to describe grief: love, hate, suffering, yearning everything on the bridge of love and hate.

Yes we do love people we grieve, we grieve their presence because it meant something, should I cry cause you are gone

Of course you wouldn't want to see my cry

But what can I do when I start to forget what your voice sounds like, when your smile becomes something I strain to remember.

What can I do when I'm drowning in grief.

They say you grieve someone you love

So love is grief

Why does it seem like this one wants to be the death of me.

Love shouldn't hurt like this, I shouldn't drown in it.

I best believe grief isn't love.

Cause love shouldn't feel like I'm lying beneath a big slab of concrete.

I shouldn't have difficulty breathing because of love.

Love shouldn't hurt like this.

But I still love you

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